Lesson

The  pace of study and research was particularly swift today. I found myself often getting frustrated, upset and ready to unload on the spouse as soon as I got home. Then I remembered a few key pieces of advice that I gave myself after being brow beaten by someone who was getting their lumps from someone else.

First, no matter how badly someone behaves in your company, whether the behaviour is directed at you or something else, you don't need to emulate that behaviour and pass on the ignorance, bitterness or violence. Except in the case of criminal behaviour, like an assault, it is very liberating to realize that the episode, by and large, is their problem, not yours. Second, if you have been abused by a partner, parent, sibling, whoever, you do not have a free pass to repeat the those actions at the expense of someone else. Third, if you have a history of hurt, betrayal abuse, it is incumbent upon you to 1) get away from the person or people who are hurting you, if you have the power to do so, 2) resolve to heal and work through the anger, fear or grief, and 3) learn to live with confidence, not in a fool-hardy manner, but as a person who is aware that to live means to take the risk of hurting others and being hurt again. As a sub-clause to point 3), this means that the inadvertent gift that abuse has given you is the gift of awareness; with sufficient self awareness, you can see warning signs if you find yourself attracted to narcissistic and/or potentially violent people or walking without awareness of your surroundings.

There must have been a time when riding on a train was simply that. Today, impromptu business meetings are conducted, reports are read or written, conference calls are conducted, and so on. When did we lose the ability to disengage from business, to enjoy a voyage as a voyage? The cost of living is not escalating in the first world, but the cost of time remains high.
Sadly, even with the pressure of deadlines, high expectations and a larger volume of work, I notice self-sabotage occurs. I long for time on a river or lake, but instead, my free time is occupied with passive pursuits: watching on-line videos, playing computer games, reading news feeds. I expect that I should remain up to date with all that occurs on my little myopic planet without permission to take a break. There must be a better, more conscientious way to produce work, to live.

Very 1999 of me

At the request of a few friends, I have finally decided to create this blog. For years, I thought that blogging was a bit amateurish or a bastion for the self-absorbed. However, some of my friends are now scattered across the planet in odd places, and I would rather keep in touch via blog than the frantic environment of facebook, twitter or my slave driver of an email address. And I haven't the time to write to people as much as I would like to.

Regarding my writing: I've had a few friends request a novel or book of short stories. But fiction writing is not where I would want to go. I think Allie Brosh has writing nailed in Hyperbole and a Half: a composite of memories and personal stories with the flourish that only a sense of humor can provide. If I can emulate her style without infringing on copyright, then that's super.

Anyways, to my peeps near and far, here I am.